Hostile Midwesterners

Mon Dec 20, 2004 9:58 am


> Subject: Explanation
> The midwest is a little hostile to those living in
> the West...
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the
> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each
> driver entering the state:
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow
> you drive, you're going to get dust on your
> Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
>'s not just to keep up with the neighbors.
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
> seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
> our women will get your butt whipped .. by our
> women.
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
> cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the
> handle. We have a name for those little trout you
> fish for -- bait.
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
> mallards are making their final approach, we will
> shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
> buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the
> airport.
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
> Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
> Chef' Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
> turkey.
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
> brown, wet, and served over ice!
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you
> drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have
> quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two
> weeks a year.
> 12. Let's get this straight. We may have one
> stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may
> even stop when it's yellow.
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks
> and tractors because they want to. So, you're a
> feminist. Isn't that cute.
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle.
> You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at
> the bait shop.
> 15. Those are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
> over it. Don't like it? Intestates 70, 80, & 90 go
> east & west; Intestates 29, 35 & 55 go north &
> south. Pick one and use it accordingly.
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
> season. It's a religious holiday. You can get
> breakfast at the church.
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
> called being friendly. Understand the concept?
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
> water hazard. It spooks the fish.
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you
> over for driving like an idiot .. His name is
> "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
> Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your
> stay, we have corn to plant. :twisted:

Mon Dec 20, 2004 11:26 am

Sounds just like Deleware county NY except you forgot 16b. other 364 days used for a bottle of Bud. Oh yeah some of the road numbers are different.


Tue Dec 21, 2004 8:16 am


You must have an excellent sense of humor to post that. I see you're from California. :D


Tue Dec 21, 2004 8:50 am

pgmrdan wrote:johnbron,

You must have an excellent sense of humor to post that. I see you're from California. :D


:lol: Heh~Heh, Well Dan everybody hates California. I live so far up in northern california that california is trying to catch up to me. I love california for its beauty and climate but my love stops there. All the weird`os & major politicians live many miles south of me. :lol:

P.S. Have you noticed that I dont display the california flag by my Avatar?.

Tue Dec 21, 2004 9:06 pm

I know you're not alone in your feelings toward California.

I saw on another board where someone said he was from The PRK. He then explained that The PRK is The People's Republic of Kalifornia.

I was able to grin about it but I think he really has some hard feelings about things there.

Sun Dec 26, 2004 11:28 pm

..and JB's got "The Governator" to back up everything he says :)

Mon Dec 27, 2004 12:00 am

mltiema wrote:..and JB's got "The Governator" to back up everything he says :)

:o Yeah, And what a phoney he turned out to be. :o

Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:52 am

Every time I read the list I can't help but feel, " They would make good friendly neighbors"


Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:22 am

:D I live in a little town about 70 miles, pop. 2500, north of Los Angeles.
I don't know why but the lowlanders haven't found it yet or they know it's here but just don't like rattlesnakes and rednecks. Anyway, here's a funny little story. I had to go to the L.A. county Department of Building and Safty awhile back to get a grading plan approved. When the guy I talked to saw where I lived he said he didn't like it up there because there's too many rednecks and everybody has guns. He said someone ran him off their property awhile back and he was wearing a gun. He called the local Sheriff and complained and the Sheriff told him there was nothing he could do unless the property owner threatened him with the gun, which he didn't. I'm hoping he spreads the word.

Sun Jan 30, 2005 12:24 pm

Well Brent it sounds like your town is also not growing with the influx of illegals that has set upon most of the states like locusts. I heard that L.A. and surrounding area flies the Mexican Flag now.