The Stun Gun_"A Guarenteed Laugh"

[johnbron]

I found this story on the net this morning and it made me My fool head off.


The stun gun


This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket
Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!


Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
ZAP ! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.


Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"


What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head ****ed to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER! WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
@!@$$!%!@*!!!


I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"


Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did
they up get there???


My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return.


Still in shock,
Tommy

[Bigdog]

Sadly, I can see this happening.

Good one J.B. !

[cowboy]

Oh my God Tommy.

But I just about fell out of my chair laughing We got my sister when we were kids. We ask her if lightning could hit her in the house she said no Wrong Anser We had a model T starter coil box wired up with a lead on the seat and back of the couch. We were so mean to my sister I cannot belive we are like best friends now.My brother got me said there was static between the tool box and sand rail. He had a neon light transformer hooked up between them and I jumped up so hard my hat flew off

Billy

[Jeff Silvey]

Tom:
I know police have to taser each other in training. Thats when you find who your freinds are in the force . Funny but POOR GUY Have never been tased but what I have heard it hurts like #%&^.
Jeff

[Rudi]

Definite candidate for Stupidest Dumbass of the Year Award

God, why would anybody do that to themselves... and then ADMIT IT :!:

Course, I laughed myself silly reading it...

[DuxburyFarmall]

That was too funny.

I remeber in college we would charge up capacitors and toss them to each other. Essentially we made small stun guns.

I laughed my self silly.

Chad

[John(videodoc)]

ouch! that hurts! Kinda like the time i learned not to take a piss out of an elevated tree tree stand, near an electric fence row. man the ground sure came up fast. aint been deer hunting ever since. probably lucky to have kids, ifn you know what i mean.

We had what they called a jacobson ladder (i think) in college, two spikes, with voltage arcing between em, anyway, first one to touch was safe, as long as he was touching someone else. Didnt pay to be hungover them days.

[WKPoor]

Now that remainds me- when I was in A&P school there was an older gentleman in my class. He told a story about how his car in high school was protected from thieves by an induction coil wired to the body. It worked fine until one day when his dad went to barrow the car

[jostev]

All I have to say is WAS THAT GUY THINKING

All though is was beyond funny that was a good one johnbron

[400lbsonacubseatspring]

I sell these, gentlemen. I have them in voltages ranging from 65 KV to 900 KV. I have tested them on myself up to 350 KV, and the results have been rather devastating. I have a high tolerance to electric shock for some reason-- always have, and frequently use a well-grounded hand to confirm multimeter readings. As long as the current does not pass through chest or head, I figure I'm safe (safe being a somewhat subjective term here.)

The first time I felt the results of a stun gun was when two customers (20-somethings) had gotten hold of a live demo of mine, and were hell bent on using it on each other as a test. The Voltage was 250 KV, and I wasn't too keen on the liability issues involved, so my solution was that one of them test it on me, instead (a rather Zen solution, if I do say so myself.) They zapped me in the right arm, as instructed, and for the most part, all I remember for what seemed like the next 2 hours was seeing white (in reality, no more than a minute or two had passed). I, at 400 lbs, had collapsed back onto the chair I had placed behind me for that purpose, and I didn't hear particularly well for the rest of the sale (which did result in them each buying one from me). I showed them my arm, which had no marks of any kind on it. It was a difficult way to make a sale, however.

For the longest while, I saw no reason to sell any above the 350 KV range, however, the customers had been asking for more and more powerful ones (evidently to put down grizzly bears and elephants), and so I have stocked them up to the 900 KV level. There is a new interesting model at the 900KV level that is small enough to conceal inside a cigarette pack, and other ones that will become disabled if the wrist strap (that you would presumably have around YOUR wrist) becomes detached from the stun gun itself. An important safety feature, so the Grizzly Bear cannot use it against you, should he wrestle it from you during the assault.

These items do have their place, but that place is not with people who feel the need to test them on living things, including themselves. The majority of sales I've made have been to or for nurses and erotic dancers, both of whom are in need of added protection against human assailants, but alas, not grizzly bears nor elephants.

[Dan England]

When in high school (back in the 50's) a light switch in the school hallway was missing a cover plate. A favorite activity was to get four or five boys lined and touching each other, with an unsuspecting classmate as the end person in the chain. The boy next to the switch would make contact with the bare terminals. If I remember correctly, current would pass through the chain of people with little effect until it reached the end person. That unsuspecting person would about come out of his shoes when the current reached him. Why did it have little effect as it passed through each member until it reached the end person? Dan

[johnbron]

Quote 400: The first time I felt the results of a stun gun was when two customers (20-somethings) had gotten hold of a live demo of mine, and were hell bent on using it on each other as a test. The Voltage was 250 KV, and I wasn't too keen on the liability issues involved, so my solution was that one of them test it on me, instead (a rather Zen solution, if I do say so myself.) They zapped me in the right arm, as instructed, and for the most part, all I remember for what seemed like the next 2 hours was seeing white (in reality, no more than a minute or two had passed). I, at 400 lbs, had collapsed back onto the chair I had placed behind me for that purpose, and I didn't hear particularly well for the rest of the sale (which did result in them each buying one from me). I showed them my arm, which had no marks of any kind on it. It was a difficult way to make a sale.

//////////////////////////

Hey 400, Was this a recent occurance . I put 2&2 together and thought that maybe this is the reason I have not seen any new posts by you lately until this morning.

[DuxburyFarmall]

Electricity a favorite subject of mine. Dan What you described is an electric circuit. Current does not actually have any real feeling to it. The old saying is volts jolts amps kill. since a person in the chain is acting as a "wire" until the last person in line would act as an open until they were grounded. When they go to ground themselves they would get the shock.

Look up Van de Graaff generators for a more detailed answer. This was always a fun project in school where you would have an entire chain of students connected and all the hair on peoples heads would be standing on end. The spark to the last student was the best reaction. We all experienced being the last person in the chain.

[Dan England]

Thanks, DF. That makes sense. Dan

[400lbsonacubseatspring]

Hey 400, Was this a recent occurance . I put 2&2 together and thought that maybe this is the reason I have not seen any new posts by you lately until this morning.

No, JB, not really. I've been trying to be a good boy lately and have been biting my tongue as much as conveniently possible. I thought I had something useful to add to this one, though.

As an afterthought on the stunguns, however, there are 2 real dangers involved in using them:

1)Using one on someone's chest who has an internal pacemaker/defibulator could have unfortunate results, although being assaulted by such an individual is somewhat unlikely.

2)Using one for more than a few seconds on someone released lactic acid and reduces the blood sugar in the recipient. In healthy individuals this is nearly meaningless, and the person should recover almost immediately. However, in type 1 diabetics, or severely hypoglycemic individuals, it could create a life-threatening situation. Again, being attacked by such an individual is unlikely, as most assailants are in perfect (physical, but not mental) health.

The legal research I've done on the matter of stun gun usage has shown that no one has been criminally or civily charged in cases where stun guns have been used during an actual attack. Using one pre-emptively (or prophylactically), however, is another matter. An example of this would be someone running after you with unclear intentions, and you decide to stun him, when in reality, he simply wanted to return your wallet that you left on the counter of the shop you just left. A real-life example was the teacher who used one on a rowdy 5th grader last year. Suspicious or bad behaviour does not justify an assault. One would have to be rather prudent in the use of a stun device, if one owned it, much the same as the use of a fire-arm, but from a moral standpoint, fewer lethal accidents would occur with the stun devices.

Tasers, however, are a different matter entirely. By definition, a taser is a stun device that shoots projectile electrodes. It would be far easier to misjudge someone's intention from 20 ft away, although the personal safety factor to the user increases. The man trying to return your wallet would be sent to the ground before his intentions were ever given a chance to be made known, however. There is also the issue of the electrodes penetrating the assailant's skin, hence being an invasive weapon. Without the opportunity for sterilization of the electrodes, or the point of impact, there would be a serious risk of infection at the electrode penetration site. This is meaningless, of course, in a real assault, but it adds one more layer of liability if you are mistaken. I think for persons who feel the need to own a projectile weapon, a trusty firearm would be a better choice, as a shot into the air is an amazing deterrant, just like the zapping arcing sound of the traditional stun guns. The taser does not produce any warning noise, on the contrary, and looks like a toy.

During the days when I did carry a revolver with me, the first chambre was empty, the second had a blank, the third snake shot, and from then on it was all business. My logic was that even in a panic, I would be able to provide increased retaliation if I just kept firing. The one time my stepfather stole the revolver from me and managed to use it against me, this particular loading strategy saved my life. The one hollowpoint that did manage to hit me had already shattered the rear car window, and had lost most of its power (still felt like a brick hit me), never even reaching the muscle layer of my right rear shoulder (I rather imagine he was aiming for my head, but he was very drunk, and the car was moving), but rather lodging in the fatty subcutaneous layer, where a friend removed it with a needle-nosed pliers, splashed some mercurachrome (y'all remember that stuff? mercury and chromium all in one convenient bottle) on it, and I was good to go.