Only a Southerner knows

Wed May 05, 2004 10:07 pm

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could."

Bless your hearts; ya'll have a blessed day.

Thu May 06, 2004 5:48 am

Good one Jim! I like it!

Fri May 07, 2004 4:29 pm


Thanks for your list. I guess I flunked! I'll never understand grits. I also had a problem in Hawii with poi. Otherwise, I think we read from the same page.

Fri May 07, 2004 4:47 pm

...and remember.. all fences in the south are made out of barbed war.

Thanks Jim


Fri May 07, 2004 5:54 pm

mltiema wrote:...and remember.. all fences in the south are made out of barbed war.

I thought it was "bob war" or at most "barb war."

Mon May 10, 2004 2:44 pm

While yall are at it...
We'ins in the South never say were "sorry" We say, " I hate it fer ya"

also we never say its broke neither, its usually "All torn up"

That's all. Susie

Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:16 pm

And don't forget "usta could",and "yuant to" or "ya wana".

Fri Oct 22, 2004 3:03 pm

Be back "directly"? Thanks Jim. We have been pronouncing it wrong. We pronounce it "dreckley", as in I'm going to put up some "bobbed war", be back "dreckley".

Fri Oct 22, 2004 4:54 pm

You forgot the dawg, the lawg and Ise so tard i can scarce move.

Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:21 pm

You'al pickin on me??

Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:33 pm

No way weuns just laake to tell ya we laake Ya!!!!!!!

Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:13 pm

I'm from south of the Mason-Dixon line, but, "I hate it fer ya", them dang grits got no place on my breckus table. Far as I'm concerned there 's better uses for corn than grits, and I think some of us 'tuckians found one or two of 'em. :)

Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:24 pm


Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:33 pm

Grits And Red-Eye Gravy
Prepare Grits, according to package directions, for 6 servings. Meanwhile, cook the Country Ham in your cast iron skillet. Remove Ham and keep warm. Drain all but about 2 teaspoons of the drippings. Add about 1\2 cup of brewed coffee to hot drippings. Cook about 2 minutes, stirring all the ham flavorings left on the bottom of the pan. Take a serving of Grits and make a hole in the center. Fill to barely overflowing with some of the gravy. Enjoy!

Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:36 pm

Not fit for a dog.