things southern cops say

Got a funny that's clean or even an accidental funny. Let's all get a good laugh because it's healthy.

Moderator: Team Cub

Forum rules
Keep it clean (we have youngsters here) and leave the politics and religious jokes for some other forum :)
brichter
10+ Years
10+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 1422
Joined: Sun Jul 11, 2004 2:23 pm
Zip Code: 32449
eBay ID: Kinardhippy
Skype Name: Billy.Ray.Richter
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: FL, Kinard

things southern cops say

Postby brichter » Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:47 am

Southern cops have a way with words!








These are actual comments made by Troopers that were taken off their car videos:








1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."








2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."








3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)








4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."








5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)








6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"








7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"








8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."








9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"








10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."








11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."








12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )








13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"








14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."








15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."








AND THE WINNER IS....








16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
If you're gonna dream or steal, do it BIG

The best things in life aren't things.
1951 Cub
1963 Corvair
lots more junk

User avatar
Winfield Dave
5+ Years
5+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 2898
Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 2:31 pm
Zip Code: 17953
Tractors Owned: ......Almost enough
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: PA, Middleport (Schuylkill County)

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Winfield Dave » Sat Jan 26, 2013 7:37 am

:bellylaugh: :bellylaugh: :bellylaugh:
Dave
"More gold has been mined from the thoughts of men than has been taken from the earth." -- Napoleon Hill

Billy Fussell
5+ Years
5+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 678
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 11:28 am
Zip Code: 75959
Location: Tx., Milam

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Billy Fussell » Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:08 am

I like 'em!

Jim Reid
10+ Years
10+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 1089
Joined: Fri Jan 30, 2004 10:51 am
Location: East Bend,NC

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Jim Reid » Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:07 am

I have a friend who is a NC highway patrolman i saw him last summer with a motorcycle stopped i noticed it was a blond lady i asked him the next time i saw him if he gave her a ticket he said yes she was doing 86 in a 65 zone and he also mentioned that she tried to talk her way out of the ticket because she was a good looking blond.

Jim

User avatar
Rudi
Cub Pro
Cub Pro
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 28707
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 8:37 pm
Zip Code: E1A7J3
eBay ID: ve9rhs
Skype Name: R.H. "Rudi" Saueracker, SSM
Tractors Owned: 1947 Cub "Granny"
1948 Cub "Ellie-Mae"
1968 Cub Lo-Boy
Dad's Putt-Putt
IH 129 CC
McCormick 100 Manure Spreader
McCormick 100-H Manure Spreader
Post Hole Digger
M-H #1 Potato Digger
Circle of Safety: Y
Twitter ID: Rudi Saueracker, SSM
Location: NB Dieppe, Canada

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Rudi » Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:20 am

Thanks for my morning chuckle BR .. :lol:
Confusion breeds Discussion which breeds Knowledge which breeds Confidence which breeds Friendship


User avatar
beaconlight
Cub Pro
Cub Pro
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 7703
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:31 pm
Zip Code: 10314
Location: NY Staten Island & Franklin

Re: things southern cops say

Postby beaconlight » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:18 pm

sound good to me.
Bill

"Life's tough.It's even tougher if you're stupid."
- John Wayne

" We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."
- Aesop

User avatar
Boss Hog
Cub Pro
Cub Pro
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 10192
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:35 pm
Zip Code: 23962
eBay ID: dmb2613
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: VA. Randolph

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Boss Hog » Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:17 pm

What the drunk southerner said to the State Trooper
Trooper had written 3 tickets to him and said " I can write more "
Drunk Rebel " What the matter aint you got any more ink "
Boss
IN GOD WE TRUST
All others pay cash
Boss Hog
Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely byJohn Emerich Edward Dalberg

User avatar
John *.?-!.* cub owner
Team Cub Guide
Team Cub Guide
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 21532
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 2:09 pm
Zip Code: 63664
Tractors Owned: 47, 48, 49 cub plus Wagner loader & other attachments. 41 Farmall H.
Location: Mo, Potosi

Re: things southern cops say

Postby John *.?-!.* cub owner » Sat Jan 26, 2013 9:55 pm

patrolman says "You got any I.D.?"
southern hillbilly says "About what?"
If you are not part of the solution,
you are part of the problem!!!

Rabbit Holler Flash
5+ Years
5+ Years
Cub Star!!
Cub Star!!
Posts: 343
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:12 pm
Zip Code: 63664
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: Mo. Potosi

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Rabbit Holler Flash » Tue Jan 29, 2013 9:46 pm

19 years as a Deputy Sheriff, ive used a couple of them. And a couple i wish i knew then :lol:

Donegal Cub
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 697
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:30 pm
Zip Code: 00000

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Donegal Cub » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:44 pm

Hi all, that brings back a distant boyhood memory of watching a show on telly, called Highway Patrol starring Broderick Crawford and he always signed off at the end of the show with words something like this "Remember folks in the event of an accident out there on the highway it doesn't matter who's right just Who's Left!! :lol: Anybody remember that :oops:
Bernard,
Donegal Cub :D

Paul Wells
Cub Star!!
Cub Star!!
Posts: 265
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:21 pm
Zip Code: 28621
Tractors Owned: !956 Farmall cub
!953 Farmall cub
1948 Farmall cub
1990 John Deere 318
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: Elkin nc

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Paul Wells » Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:35 pm

Here are some of the closings according to wikipedia
The laws of your community are enforced for your protection ... obey them!
Leave your blood at the Red Cross, not on the highway !
Leave your blood at the Red Cross, or your community blood bank, not on the highway !
The careless driver isn't driving his car, he's aiming it!
It isn't the car that kills, it's the driver!
No matter how new, the safest device in your car is you!
It isn't what you drive, but how you drive that counts!
The clowns at the circus, they're real funny, but on the highway they're murder!
Reckless driving doesn't determine who's right, only who's left!
If you care to drive, drive with care!
Try to be as good a driver as you think you are!

User avatar
Mr E
5+ Years
5+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 5668
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:48 am
Zip Code: 32460
eBay ID: noles1432460
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: FL, Sneads

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Mr E » Thu Jan 31, 2013 6:24 am

Donegal Cub wrote:Hi all, that brings back a distant boyhood memory of watching a show on telly, called Highway Patrol starring Broderick Crawford and he always signed off at the end of the show with words something like this "Remember folks in the event of an accident out there on the highway it doesn't matter who's right just Who's Left!! :lol: Anybody remember that :oops:
Bernard,
Donegal Cub :D


Used to really enjoy that show! Man, that has been a while back. :lol:
Last edited by Mr E on Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. - Albert Einstein


Roy Edenfield
Deep South CubFest #8
February 17 & 18, 2017

User avatar
Bob Perry
5+ Years
5+ Years
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 1863
Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2009 3:30 pm
Zip Code: 02748
Tractors Owned: :

1949 Farmall Cub / FH

1951 Farmall Cub / IH mower

1964 International Cub Lo-Boy / Woods 59 mower

1967 International Cub / FH

1946 Farmall H

1949 Farmall H

a doodle bug

More than a dozen Cub Cadets running plus a few in the bone-yard

.
Location: Dartmouth, Massachusetts

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Bob Perry » Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:06 am

I just about completely forgot about that show. Then a few months ago I found you can see a few episodes in YouTube.

Reminds me my father had the first TV remote control "Hey Bobby, put it on Channel 7, hey Bobby put it back on Channel 4."
REMEMBER: Keep it correct or you may face the

Image

User avatar
Stanton
Team Cub Mentor
Team Cub Mentor
501 Club
501 Club
Posts: 3851
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:56 am
Zip Code: 64070
Tractors Owned: 1945 Farmall H, serial #213,651
1947 Farmall Circle Cub, serial #2116
1948 Farmall Cub, serial #46066
Circle of Safety: Y
Location: Lone Jack, MO

Re: things southern cops say

Postby Stanton » Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:05 am

I'm with Rudi--thanks for the morning grins!
Stanton
Image Circle of Safety


Return to “Cubber's say the funniest things”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests