Got a funny that's clean or even an accidental funny. Let's all get a good laugh because it's healthy.
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Keep it clean (we have youngsters here) and leave the politics and religious jokes for some other forum
14 posts • Page 1 of 1
Southern cops have a way with words!
These are actual comments made by Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
If you're gonna dream or steal, do it BIG
The best things in life aren't things.
lots more junk
"More gold has been mined from the thoughts of men than has been taken from the earth." -- Napoleon Hill
I have a friend who is a NC highway patrolman i saw him last summer with a motorcycle stopped i noticed it was a blond lady i asked him the next time i saw him if he gave her a ticket he said yes she was doing 86 in a 65 zone and he also mentioned that she tried to talk her way out of the ticket because she was a good looking blond.
Thanks for my morning chuckle BR ..
Confusion breeds Discussion which breeds Knowledge which breeds Confidence which breeds Friendship
"Before beginning a hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it." - Winnie
Cub Manual Server
sound good to me.
"Life's tough.It's even tougher if you're stupid."
- John Wayne
" We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."
What the drunk southerner said to the State Trooper
Trooper had written 3 tickets to him and said " I can write more "
Drunk Rebel " What the matter aint you got any more ink "
IN GOD WE TRUST
All others pay cash
Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely byJohn Emerich Edward Dalberg
patrolman says "You got any I.D.?"
southern hillbilly says "About what?"
"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government
to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the
government lest it come to dominate our lives and interests." Patrick Henry
Hi all, that brings back a distant boyhood memory of watching a show on telly, called Highway Patrol starring Broderick Crawford and he always signed off at the end of the show with words something like this "Remember folks in the event of an accident out there on the highway it doesn't matter who's right just Who's Left!! Anybody remember that
Here are some of the closings according to wikipedia
The laws of your community are enforced for your protection ... obey them!
Leave your blood at the Red Cross, not on the highway !
Leave your blood at the Red Cross, or your community blood bank, not on the highway !
The careless driver isn't driving his car, he's aiming it!
It isn't the car that kills, it's the driver!
No matter how new, the safest device in your car is you!
It isn't what you drive, but how you drive that counts!
The clowns at the circus, they're real funny, but on the highway they're murder!
Reckless driving doesn't determine who's right, only who's left!
If you care to drive, drive with care!
Try to be as good a driver as you think you are!
Used to really enjoy that show! Man, that has been a while back.
Last edited by Mr E on Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. - Albert Einstein
Deep South CubFest
February 14 & 15, 2014
I just about completely forgot about that show. Then a few months ago I found you can see a few episodes in YouTube.
Reminds me my father had the first TV remote control "Hey Bobby, put it on Channel 7, hey Bobby put it back on Channel 4."
REMEMBER: Keep it correct, or you may have to face the
I'm with Rudi--thanks for the morning grins!
14 posts • Page 1 of 1
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