I understand how you feel completely.
It has been a long while since we lost Spook. I remember Amanda and I cradling him as he finally passed from this realm to the next. He died in my arms, faithful friend and family member to the end. Funny, cause a little while ago as Kristina, Em and I came in from shopping.. we went down by the shop to turn off the lights/heat etc., and Kris said looking at Spook's dog house, how it was still kind of weird to look and not see him waiting for us there as he always did when we went shopping.
I still cannot bring myself to have another dog, it may be a long, long time if ever for me. We had dogs all of our lives, mostly German Shepherds cause my Dad loved em, but I loved my Great Pyrennes.. Spook was the first and the last..
Em and I had decided that we needed to get a dog after I got sick in 1991. We did not want a puppy mill puppy, we wanted to give a dog who truly needed a loving family a chance at a home, so we went to the Moncton SPCA. This is where we first saw Spook. I am not sure who picked who.. most of the time we are pretty sure he picked us, and it was only a matter of time before we realized it. He stole our hearts immediately. He got a name change real quick after he and I adopted each other back in 1992, we found out when we were ready to take him home that his name was Rudy
yeah, that's right, his name was mine...
.. but he looked like a ghost so that was why we named him spook. He never answered to Rudy, just to Spook.
He was the kindest gentlest creature on earth. A great farm dog and a great family dog. He took care of each of our children protecting them from just about anything including PO'd turkeys.. and then he would protect the critters as well.
We still miss him terribly. It is funny how an animal such as a dog can warm up your heart so much, that the animal is part of your family, somehow loosing the persona of a critter and taking on the aura of a family member.. almost a humbean.. totally amazing.
I still can hear him...
It still breaks my heart.....
My family feels for yours John, and we send along our best wishes as you all try to get through this... it never is easy.